You do it for Yourself!

I had been cribbing about being alone and not having any purpose to anything I was doing for some time.

I was just listening to 'Breaking the habit' by Linkinpark and it struck me...the  answer...You do it for Yourself! It's so simple, I can't believe I never got it before.

I bought a treadmill a few weeks back, because everybody kept telling me that I'm putting on too much weight and I'm not taking care of myself anymore. I ran on it for a few days and then I didn't feel like it anymore, it felt totally meaningless. Somehow, running and sweating in search of that perfect figure or fitting into that perfect dress or catching that perfect guy's attention was never a good enough motivation for me, my brain just doesn't work like that.

And I just realised...You do it for Yourself...you do it because it's healthier and because it feels less bad when you go on a binging spree, since you are burning those  calories anyway.

Something people never understand about me is that  food is not just Food for me...its memories. I bet there is no item of food about which I don't have a story or a memory. A good meal always lifts my mood. Eating makes me feel better because it reminds me of the good times. One of my friends once joked that she can't find any pictures of me on Facebook without food around me and it's true...they are all the good  times I had and all the people in my life I shared those good times with...when we cooked and shared a meal in the confines of a hostel room with only an electric heater or when we went  out to try out some new restaurant or a new dish...

So ...I got myself  an indoor plant and a small bowl of fish...because they are beautiful and they make me happy...feeling new leaves coming out ... just watching those little fish darting inside that bowl ...and I got a Bluetooth speaker because the speaker in my phone is not loud enough to listen to my favourite songs.

I guess living alone has its charms, though I hope I don't get too comfortable living by myself that living with someone else becomes difficult. But I have realised one thing,you don't need anybody else to be happy, happiness comes from within, it comes with the resolve that  nothing can put  you down.

I've done a lot of things in my life, trying to live up to other people's expectations, trying not to let down the people who cared about me. Maybe it's time to find out what I really want for myself.